Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
