hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
