I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
