So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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