I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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