i just had sex bonerless
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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