AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
