yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
