she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize