fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
