You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
