Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
