babies were throwing up all over the place
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
