Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
