It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
