I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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