i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
