Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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