peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
