I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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