i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize