theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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