Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize