No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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