You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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