u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
