Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize