The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
