he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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