i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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