Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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