I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
