Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
