Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
