So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
