the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my being single is dangerous.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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