Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
