The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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