So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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