the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
