There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
