I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
