My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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