so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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