upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
