i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
