it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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