I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
