i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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