brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
