I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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