I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
