i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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