You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
a search helicopter?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
