she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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