I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
