like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
