hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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