I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
