seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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