So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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