Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
