I'm jealous of your bromance
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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