i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
