i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
