just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
