I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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