who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize