Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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