is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
