if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my being single is dangerous.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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