I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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