I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
