He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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