I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
