so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
