Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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