He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
