I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
