what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize