you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
