omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
BRING THE BAGELS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
