I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize