How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
