U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Couch. On fire.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
