she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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