So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
