He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
