I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
