like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
