dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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