If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
