He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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