i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
