I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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