the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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