Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
