i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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