Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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