you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
