You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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