Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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