I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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