The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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