I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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