How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
