even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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